Out of your mind (LONG)

Well, it *is* abnormally large; the music section is twice the size of many bookstores. Also, I look like that because I drank OK Soda as a child.

I haven't been to Aunties, but Powell's is a greater order of bookstore. If I want some John Grisham novel, I hop over to B&N and dodge salesdroids, head to the clearly labeled section, and buy buy buy. Powell's, on the other hand, is where I go if I want to buy information in vast and copious quantities, from people who think books are things people should read, rather than just be seen with.

Also, Barnes and Noble doesn't have any bookstore cats. That special breed of cats that is necessary to the function of a bookstore and repelling the atmosphere of apathy from the store. Now, these same cats are ones I wouldn't turn to avoid on the street, but in bookstores they're as important as the sign that says to leave your bags behind the counter, and contribute more to theft-prevention, too.

Also known as... THUNDERCATS!!!! ThunderCats PROTECT impressionable humans by attacking and destroying all books by Danielle Steele, John Grisham and Jeffrey Archer.

Give thanks to the Noble THUNDERCATS, especially the Barnes and Noble THUNDERCATS!!! Your last line of defense against TURGID prose, ONE-DIMENSIONAL characters, and UNNECESARY capitalization.

THUNDERCATS line their litterpans with 'Surfing the Himalayas'. They BAT Michael Crichton around, toying with him between their paws until he cries, and then they go in for the kill, which is described in astonishingly gory detail by STEPHEN KING, who unfortunately cannot do the same when the CATS turn on HIM and rend him limb from limb.

THUNDERCATS look up from their Daniel Dennett and smile to themselves, thinking 'How true, how true'. They exchange knowing glances as they turn the pages of 'A Brief History of Time', wondering if the human race will ever be ready to know the real truth. They purr and chuckle under their breath at the 'Zippy the Pinhead' collection books, knowing that humans are too afraid to be laughed at, so no one points out that IT MAKES NO DAMN SENSE.

Hall of Justice -> Legion of Superheroes :: Libraries -> Thundercats

The humans around them peruse without noticing... it is only when they get home that they see that the copy of Tim Allen's latest book they thought they purchased has somehow been replaced by Italo Calvino and Kurt Vonnegut. They quickly consider taking it back, but the pages fall open, and the humans glance quickly... at first merely intrigued, but then quickly absorbed. The THUNDERCATS smile, and continue their work writing in the margins, pointing out the the anachronisms in 'The Name of the Rose'.

The THUNDERCATS watch over us, benign librarians with no agenda but to raise the lowest common denominator. THUNDERCATS have been known to kill any person buying an autobiography of a Star Trek cast member. THUNDERCATS avoid the magazine rack, except for 'The Skeptical Enquirer'.

THUNDERCATS read Shakespeare, and KNOW that it's NOT BACON!!!!!

'Please leave your bags behind the counter, and stop stealing too. Thank you'.

-dp. YES, YOU, Mr. Nick (if that's your real name) I see that copy of 'Delta of Venus' sticking out of your bookbag.

scimonogre ad nauseum:

|The humans around them peruse without noticing... it is only when they |get home that they see that the copy of Tim Allen's latest book they |thought they purchased has somehow been replaced by Italo Calvino and |Kurt Vonnegut.

aLTHO..sorry... caps... Although, one would think the sudden lumpiness of their shopping bag and the muffled screams of 'You can't do this... we're world renowned authors Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. and Italo Calvino!' would have tipped them off.

|THUNDERCATS read Shakespeare, and KNOW that it's NOT BACON!!!!!

New, from Putnam and Sons publishing: Shakespeare's 'The Hobbit,' now with bacon-ish aftertaste!

|YES, YOU, Mr. Nick (if that's your real name) |I see that copy of 'Delta of Venus' sticking |out of your bookbag.

Your Barnes and Noble is better than ours. I got looked at funny when I was trying to read an art book. Of course, it was Giger, and it was on the top shelf and I had to climb the shelf to get it, and I eventually broke the shelf and knocked everything down and had to pick it all up by myself and then there was this girl from my bowling class who was just sitting there laughing at me who finally looked at the damn art book (which I ended up buying, and then losing when I was evicted last year) with me.

This is odd. I have about 50 fluid ounces of mango nectar in me, and my body is doing this strange kind of cellular lambada. Everything's all wavy, and I think I'm seeing tracers. Must be all the damned potassium.

Anyway, as I was saying, everyone knows the THUNDERCATS are HOs... ...this is Chihu, signing off.

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THUNDERCATS ARE NOT ALLOWED